all my memories, so close to me just fade away.

2005-11-16T23:14:00.000+08:00

things i forgot to do 1) read harry potter and the prisoner and azkaban and return it to sheena before goblet of fire starts, which is like tomorrow? gasp. 2) return sheena harry potter and the chamber of secrets. 3) take back all my school stuff i left at sheena's house on the last day of school 4) tell sheena norrt tuu type lik dis, i mean like, euuuuuuuuuuuuuu are starting to type like this and i don't like that.

books i want to read 1)my sister's keeper 2)can you keep a secret? 3)where rainbows end 4)tuesdays with morrie 5)the notebook 6) the nicholas sparks novel alyssa mentioned 7)harry potter series 8)shopaholic series
why didn't i realise earlier that reading is fun :\ i went to kinokuniya with alyssa just now you see. hah . is that how you spell it?

the sky is falling!

2005-11-16T22:49:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA.

i am disgusted by the way i used to type.
i am so rich in neopets ):

2005-11-16T20:25:00.000+08:00

town today with alyssa. i want to get 1) golden polka dots hairband from forever 21 2)black tee from topshop 3) skirt from fox 4)heels from charles and keith and guess 5) white tank from zara (?) 6) guess perfume 7) black skirt from zara 8) a good-paying job
aiya, a credit card la. anyway, we found a.. job. ya. selling pens for the needy, low income families and ex-convicts, to help them get a job blahblahblahblah. like omg what job can be worse than that. you have to be thick skinned, talk till you have no more saliva, walk till your legs ache like shit. i was like, omg i better not see anyone i know! i felt so obliged to do the job. when we went to the company, not knowing what in the name of... vagina it is, we went into this room, with like 6 pai kia managers and one boss in it. the boss was like " don't enquire about the job. you may want us, we may not want you" yeah blahblah.
MY MANAGER OMG.
anyway.
i'm quite curious about how buying pens for us help the needy, low income families and ex-convicts to get a job? unless the people in the companies are ex-convicts. :\ i want a tongue piercing la! okay. anyway. alyssa is SO good at selling the pens. and i'm like so pathetic. " hello, excuse me, sorry for interupting, can you spare me one minute? thanks." i don't get a chance to continue LA. nevermind, i remember rejecting someone who wanted to sell us pens, and we saw them in the company afterwards. i did not realise until alyssa told me. hah. alyssa always gets customers that give her money without taking the pen. @$!#`. so it's 2 bucks a pen, and we get 50% commission. not bad. we worked for about less than one and a half hour and got like $6+. not enough to pay for my pepper lunch. hah . and i got my cleo mag. we have to go back on monday again. I DON'T WANT. i'd rather do flyer distribution. but nevermind, i shall try once more. lol. my mom dosen't know! :\

even if your heart breaks, it would still beat, and life goes on.

2005-11-15T19:17:00.000+08:00

playing; jay chou - he se mao yi

caught just like heaven today. i like. haha. there's a phrase used in there i really like, but i forgot what. hah. :saw Sin Hui, Anita, Venecia, Sheena 1j and ...... i forgot.
i laughed alot today! Maggie, you make me wanna laugh. haha, like really laughing. had a good time. i'm sure i would tomorrow too (:

Eddie Guerrero passed on? haha. Eugene was like so sad. Eugene don't be so emotional. haha. and i'm like, who in the world is Eddie Guerrero. :\ so, a wrestler.
life is so fragile.

is there any holiday homework? out of a sudden, i feel like going back to school, to study. hah.

in this world there's real and made believe, this seems real to me.

2005-11-14T18:43:00.000+08:00

playing; minnie ripperton - lovin' you

I ain't never had nobody show me all the things that you done, showed me
And the special way I feel when you hold me
We won't always be together baby that's what you told me
And I believe it, cause I ain't never had nobody do me like you.

NEOPETS.
any job offers? for students.
ALYSSA AND I. BROKE. ):
if only neopoints could be exchanged for real money, and if only it rained money, like NOW.

sheena's blog is finally.. public?
and.
check this out, if you have nothing to do. some eye candy (:
http://megannn.myphotoalbum.com click
the most i can do for you is keep on lying

so lately. been wondering, ~~who will be there to take my place~~. when ~~i'm gone~~, you'll ~~need love~~

2005-11-14T11:18:00.000+08:00

playing; tatu - all about us

i'm looking for my kindergarden classmates.
heeeheee :)
so who was from, uhh, nus child care centre? ( ? )
graduating 1998.
hah.

runaway if we must

2005-11-13T18:02:00.000+08:00

playing; 98 degrees - its the hardest thing i'll ever have to do

i got this from VIVIEN. ( see, in CAPS too. haha. )

so. 5 random and weird facts about me.

1- i can't handle a chopstick, properly. like when i have noodles, the table will be super dirty. like, super.
2- when my status is put to away, i'm usually there. usually. if i don't want to talk to you, i don't, away you see.
3- my jaw can't open BIG, like two fingers wide only.
4- i always get wierd ( ALWAYS. ) like, snow white is involved, pokemon, anythingthatdosentmakesense etc.
5- i want to wear braces. badly. ( random. ) but, they are cool, too. ( weird, like who wants to wear braces because they hurt and you're teeth aren't in a bad condition. )

and the next 5 to do this :
terie, cherine, dawn, wendy, alyssa
(;

and here's something extra.

5 things i want to do next year.

1 - pierce navel / tongue
2 - study hard, aim for above 65% overall.
3 - ___ _ ________
4 - diet diet DIET. but no determination.
5 -

( to be considered. )

you can be the one to hold me when i want to cry

2005-11-12T19:06:00.000+08:00

playing; evanescence - missing

:D

the maha bodhi band cd "Odyssey" is damn nice la. haha. i think my sister put in into the comp, and i just heard it. super nice okay. haha. it makes me want to cry. i don't know why. lol. like it's super sad, that the band-ees left mbs band alr. haha. i should have joined mbs band. =x

i want one moment in time

isn't something missing?
isn't someone missing me?

2005-11-12T16:31:00.000+08:00

playing; samantha mumba - lately

i woke up at like 2+ today and i'm very hungry because there's no more food left. how? ):

i have never hated anyone so badly. or at all. maybe hate is too strong a word.

Lately, been thinking about you baby
Just sitting away watching the days go by.

2005-11-11T19:07:00.000+08:00

playing; muse - unintended

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADELINEPANG
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY YINGZHI

PICTURES!
soon.

someone tell me how do i make my jaw open.

you could be my unintended

all or nothing

2005-11-11T16:40:00.000+08:00

There are times it seems to me, I'm sharing you in memories
I feel it in my heart, But I don't show it
And then there's times you look at me, as though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe its right I know it
Don't make me promises, you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you,now I want the best of you, it's time to show and tell.

you re so fat i can make ghee out of you and squeeze out two bottles of oil. at least you would be of us then. i cant stand you. you re so irritating. you whore.

a melody as beautiful as you

don't give me that smile

2005-11-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

third time blogging today >.< nothing better to do.

anyway.

i finally heard my jay chou cd =x after getting it for quite some time. anyway i like he se mao yi! lol lol lol.
and qing chu yu lan was so touching la? just ended. haha. okay i cried. being too emotional. does it mean i don't get to see ouyangshan anymore? noooo. i'm gna buy the vcd. haha. then my dad saw me crying and guess what he burst out laughing. -.-

oh!
i saw the guo mei mei commercial, for her new album. not sure of her name :\ and i remember george saying : first time lao shu, now zhang lang, what's next, elephant?
lolllllllll not funny :/

2005-11-10T14:21:00.000+08:00

because of my computer crashing and whatever shit,
hahahahahmegan's ipod is song-less!hahahaha

wtf.

you nut.

2005-11-10T13:29:00.000+08:00

my jaw still can't open and that's so irritating!
i'm home already. =( that's fast.
but now my dog keeps barking at me!
aiya i'm lazy to update. nothing much also. go see.. cherine's blog. she should have updated, or she would. lollll.

piano now. bye.
i want to learn to use chopsticks properly.

put the lime in the coke

2005-11-08T00:11:00.000+08:00

terie's chalet today. just came home. which means i missed ouyangshan. vivien, fyi, i own him. lolll.
then we were waiting for 384. we waited for like half an hour? then we realised that the bus service ended like 50 minutes ago. zhixin : since we waited already, wait awhile more right? haha.
can't wait for tomorrow.
i realised that i get scared real easy. and gina talks super loud.

triple smiley face, don't think so much. (:

cup noodles i like.

save me from the nothing i've become

2005-11-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

i'm so pissed. ALL my pictures and received files are MISSING. only mine. wtf.
so you still don't want to reply me!
i'm sick again. i thought i just recovered last week? :dad gave me a long talk on the way home again. like hey, i've heard that since i was 5 years old. i think. haha.
food seems disgusting now.
i feel like i'm nothing, suddenly. it feels like i have not existed lollll. anyone watch qing chu yu lan? oh my ouyang shan! hah. (:

saw my mum off at the airport. then went to white sands. i think i made cherine angry or i'm too sensitive. lol.
hols are boring. vcd, tv and my bro's psp. i'm sick of everything alreadyyyyyy. someone ask me out. haha. wait i'm occupied the whole of next week already! won't be at home for quite some time lol.
my arms are aching. i can't make big actionsssss.

felt like a lifetime. i miss youuuuu.

i don't know much at all, i don't know wrong from right. all i know is that i love you tonight.

another sleeplesss night

2005-10-28T12:22:00.000+08:00

helloHELLO! that was sheena, apparently. so don't mind that. i don't mean it . ((:
anyway my computer crashed! =((((((((((((((((((
so i wouldn't be updating for a veryveryvery long time already. updating in sheena's house now. (: she's like so NICE to let me use la? haha. ( clears throat )
so anyway.
last day of school today. boringggg. got back report book. although my results were the worst again, i'm satisfied =D
i'm not feeling well and there's np later. =( what if i faint halfway? lol. stupid fire drill today. make me feel like puking only. kinda pissed with some certain people anyway.

if i am smart i would leave the clique. but i choose to be stupid.

sheena rocks

2005-10-28T12:18:00.000+08:00

sheena rocks big time!! i love her =DD

我哭红双眼，你没有不对,我才发现我无力往回

2005-10-24T16:13:00.000+08:00

i was reading all of my earlier posts out of boredom and saw how much i've changed and matured. i couldn't stand how i used to talk and behaved laaaa. -.- haha.
and surprisingly i couldn't remember a few people i mentioned in the posts. =\ lol.
and some posts where really.. hmm. i don't know what to say. i want to go back to last year. or the beginning of this year. yupp.

Everywhere I go
Everyone I meet
Every time I try to fall in love
They all want to know why I'm so broken
Why am I so cold
Why I'm so hard inside
Why am I scared
What am I afraid of
I don't even know
This story's never had an end
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been hoping
I've been dreaming you would come back
But I know the ending of this story
You're never coming back
Never...

no one would know to what extent one would love, until one's empty existance could do nothing more.

my heart can't possibly wait

2005-10-24T08:55:00.000+08:00

i can't believe i'm up so early! haha. didn't go to school today.
anyway let's see.

saturday
woke up like super early to meet the girls at tm mac for breakfast. sorry felicia! (: then they came to my house to do the banner and bake cookies for the carnival today. it turned out nice! but they ( ya they, not we ) gobbled up the first batch. haha. then we made made made. then we had some leftover ingredients. so i just mixed everything together and baked them for the liangai cookie but it tasted like shit. so we threw it away. part of it. it actually tasted like the popeye bread! not bad not bad. when its hot. when its cold it taste like shite. ( not that ive tasted shit before )
sheena and terie were sick anddd we watched jin zhi yu yan. they went back kinda late.

went to my aunt's house after that. her birthday. then after dinner the uncles and some cousins were watching soccer and we wanted to watch full house. lol then we somehow got hold of the remote control and i guess they were very angry. lolllllll must watch full house okay. i heard full house has become a tourist attraction? haha.

sunday
woke up early and my mom brought my for facial. wahlau now my face is worse la? its like.. shit. !@$# anyway.
then went to meet sheena. wanted to give out flyers. but the person couldnt make it on time. $20/2000pieces. not bad okay.
then went to the christian cemetery. my uncles death anniversary. actually my uncles and aunties wanted to put his ashes in the temple. but his wife said that he accepted Christ on his deathbed. how interesting. i think his life was a very eventful one. yuppp..
anyway i was running a fever and i had a very very terrible headache and i still went. lollllll. went to jurong point after that. i want a billabong wallet! i just changed my wallet anyway =x
then we had mos. i havent ate there for like 99999999999 years already. haha. was nice. then we had kfc. HAHA. people prolly thought we were gluttons or something.
i did something very stupid. anyway. haha.

i'm sosoSO bored laaaaaaa. now i feel like going to school. haha. don't think i'm sick anymore anyway. that apparently explains the long post. quite long actually. i have done EVERYTHING i can already! i think i'm gonna watch jin zhi yu yan. haha.
i want jay chou's chopin ( sho-pan) ! ye qu's really nice. (:

and you put on a facade

this world is too much for me to take?

2005-10-21T19:46:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i can tell sheena to count her blessings and give thanks in every circumstance but i don't practise what i preach?

i think my parents don't give me enough freedom to satisfy me. and they don't trust me. so what if i'm spoiled. don't let me do what i want still kaobei me.
and i'm tired of the comments people make anyhow la. why must she go and make things worse, saying that about the class when i wasn't happy already.
i don't like people who make me have high hopes, and then the next moment they put me down.
and you didn't have to make things so obvious. fucktard. so what if you have moved on. does it mean that i have too ?

i reached home early. went to sheena's house to get the piano book. then i went to felicia's house and i cabbed back. cca was shit. everything was shit today. you know, SHIT.
i don't quarrel with my mom. i shouted at her today. i ignored everyone in the morning at home. i want to runaway.
what is this? mood swings?

i want to start doing cross stitch. felicia got me started. i want to find things to do to occupy myself so i wouldn't think so much.
i don't want to go online. i don't want to talk to you.

bye.
i want to runaway.

.. i don't give a fuck about anything anymore.

Everything that you give to me,
Only comes in a fantasy,
It seems like life goes so fast,
But in this time I wanna make it last.
I hate that we live to die,
But only God knows why
We all have a purpose,
And to see you again, It'll all be worth it.

I wish that I could stop time,
I wish that I could rewind,
To the very begining of every second of my life.
To ask God on my hands and knees,
To never let me forget, all my special memories.
See I'm only promised today,
And if it's my time to go,
I don't want the love of my life, to ever fade away,
So one last time,
Let me open my eyes.
To see, what my life used to be like.
Oh God.

I pray,
When it's time for me to say goodbye
I'll never forget, looking in your eyes,
I pray,
That I feel your touch
And that God doesn't forget our love,
I pray,
When I close my eyes,
I can still see visions of you, on my mind.
I pray,
That I see you in another life,
I pray that you're still by my side.
Oh I pray.

is there such a potion that would make you forget everything, everyone?

so predictable

2005-10-19T20:56:00.000+08:00

- ~~pass chinese~~
- ~~pass maths~~
- A for english
- ~~pass geog~~
- ~~B3 for history~~
- pass science

yay megan. although the results were not that good. (:
my asthma is coming back and i don't like that. it's so difficut to breathe and talk and it feels so.. horrible. and f my ankle la? lol.

tanning? =)

memories gone so young

2005-10-18T12:17:00.000+08:00

thanks alyssa, you got me addicted to those oldies. and i'm sorry i couldn't town with you today. =((( <3

class bbq yesterday. can't really say that i had much fun though. i mean, ya. =\
http://madness-me.blogspot.com
yeah i'm lazy to blog. haha.
so yesterday i ate a few sausages and the tip of an uncooked satay and a few chips. seriously that was enough. i know you people love the food which cherine and i buttered ( yeah right ) but next time can you not be so greedy. oh well.

i don't know if by doing this makes me happy. that's not the attitude i want to show some people but sometimes i think i'm hiding a big part of me. how do i phrase it. i'm not being.. real? maybe i'm like intimidated? i don't know. haha. i just somehow care alot how people think about me. but sure enough. i don't think this is the me i was before, like in primary school? mm hmm. oh well. on the brighter side, i have great friends and classmates. so i'll take it from there?

If I could, fly away
and I wouldn’t come back no more
I’d turn around,
Just to see you for the last time,
See, now I know
Hey, that it won’t be easy
I done fought in a battle, and I done made it this far
I gotta few more feet, but its still the longest yard

I gotta make it out this place some how
I really believe that I done turned it around
You see, all I need is that second chance to show,
since incarceration, my obligation to rehabilitation
They can punch me high, and they can kick me low
But I mean its gonna take more than that for them to break my soul
Man its hard for people to understand what its like to be,
gated, incarcerated , I just cant take it, but I’ma make it man to see better days

If I could fly away,
If I could I turn around,
If I could fly away

should i stay, wait, or fly away?

2005-10-14T23:39:00.000+08:00

i have nothing to do i'm blogging again.
my stomach hurts like shite. i mean not stomach. at the side. it's not gastric.
$#!%*

i think i'm too spoilt don't give in to me next time. xiaowen? haha. i could see you were reluctant to go just now.

anyway i chanced upon this just now, quoted by someone i forgot who.
" For years i have been seeking God. Then i realised that God was actually the seeker, and i sought Him."
not very sure. but i think it's nice. (:
cornerstone or all saints tmr? neither?

searching for the brightest star

2005-10-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

i'll bake more cookies next time! ((:
eoys are like FINALLY over. well it seemed over after maths anyway.
it was funny during homec exam. you know the thing under your desk where you can put your books and stuff? ck hiang's shoe got stuck there, idontknow how. haha. and sheena said he was playing with the compass(?) he sure is one wierd guy. then sun lao shi ( yes i changed how i call her. haha. ) started laughing and the whole class started laughing too. it was like so relaxed la, we were even joking during the exam. haha. but i think we don't have to check so many times. i finished my paper in like 15 mins and i was rotting there, checking was of no use cause i didnt know the answers. haha.
i reached home at like 9+ ? haha. thought my bro was at home but he went to sch early. #$#@! so i watched tv alone all by myself. i almost forgot about the time okay. anyhow i was late still =
towned with cherine, gina, felicia, jiaying and sheena! i so wanted terie to go la? =((((((((((
anyway i walked until my leg was so painful. haha. blahblahblah then we walked all the way to plaza sing again. wasn't very far this time, though. haha.
we tooked neoprints but the first one was horrendous. yes, horrendous. haha. we looked like shite la. we don't understand jap for nuts. the machine was like one, two, three * click* - animation- one, two, three * click* and it goes on. second one i took with cherine. they always turn out nice (:
hmmmmmmmmmm something happened. can't believe she didn't know. oh well.
i spent like a million dollars ( i'm exaggerating . okay thats obvious ) 5 bucks actually on the turn turn machine things. it may be childish but i like! =x haha. i was looking so hard for my tofu but i couldn't find it! so we ALL turned the whatisitagain? the night before christmas? something "night" anyway. i want JACK laaaaaaaaaa or i don't mind the big big mouth. twice i turned the UGLY one came out. it looks like some fugly witch. lol whatever. i wanna get tofu. =x
i saw keni and yunzhen! ((: oh and lewis! ( hope your rashes heals? haha. )

went to bedok reservoir after that with cherine and sheena. because i didn't want to go home. cherine was so scared la HAHA. she wanted to be in the middle no matter what. then we sat on the dinosaur and talked. wooooooohooo i love this kind of talks. then i went to bedok interchange with cherine and took the exact same bus home. lol. we took like a total of 7 trips today. yadayadayada i want to talk to cherine. reached home at 9+ and i realised i have nothing to do, which also explains the long post.

i have to wake up early tomorrow to buy the food for the bbq. @#%$! i want my sleep. i'm so looking forward to monday though. and tuesday ( i'm towning with ALYSSA ! ((: ) and the days that follows. i'm beginning to like 1d more. but i think the post exam activities are gonna be boring and i have cca on wednesday. like what the ffffffish. haha. nevermind. 2 hours only. it's not fair because sheena has german. but nevermind i haven't gone for cca for long and it's a requirement for lcp i think.

watch FULL HOUSE tomorrow! if you have cable. channel 55, 10.30 pm i think? or on sundays 2.45 pm. it's damn nice la? haha. ((((:

HELLO XIAO WEN its your new nickname HAHA.
HELLO GINA and i begin to do the signature hand sign. (:
HELLO TERIE everything will be all right ((:

i love the (recent) mornings.
i'm beginning to love the people!

OH YA.
XIAO WEN and i got molested. __ the mrt was so packed right, i thought the man behind me accidentally like hit my butt or something. then when he got off cherine told me that he also touched hers! then it was like eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i don't wanna talk about it. if ever i see him again ima whack his balls, castrate him, make him impotent and squeeze all the whatever juice he has. no i'll get xiao wen to do it.

goodnight.
the world seems more wonderful today. (:

you give me a reason to smile

2005-10-13T12:25:00.000+08:00

if you're happy ang you know it clap your hands
* clap clap

=D

i'm also so excited about tomorrow.
ima study homec after i sleep. (:

I thought some time alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I love at home to be alone
and I tried and found
out this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got along just fine
but wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection built on lies, all lies

so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (who holds my heart)

I can't blame you if you turn away from me like I've done you
I can only prove the things I say with time
Please be mine

the look in your eyes

2005-10-12T14:08:00.000+08:00

i'm so happy i saw so many people today!
2 more papers to go. i'm so dreading homec. i feel so relaxed, like it's the end of the examinations already.

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It’s just emotion
Taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don’t you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It’s just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don’t you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

yes goodnight! i'm gonna sleep! ((:
emotions by destiny's child btw.

if this is what i think it is. please don't get it wrong. its not a comparison between you and him and me and him. i think you know who you are.
(:
i don't want to go in between. seriously. i think knowing him was a mistake somehow, still.

you picked me up when i was down

2005-10-11T16:39:00.000+08:00

wow, thanks so much for bringing me there =D
i mean, like, seriously.

chinese, what else? i think i'm gna drop to normal chinese.
out of the 12 questions in section A, i could only do 1. how great.
bleahs i'm not feeling good.
went to white sands after that for super early lunch. took bus back with vanessa, and alicia and wenxin. i couldn't stand the haising guy cause he was talking about his exam paper from pasir ris all the way to bedok with his disgusting voice. eww? haha.
and curse that couple sitting beside me? lol okay kidding.
just came back from mac. was studying from vanessa. well i learnt how to draw, and vanessa learnt her consumer rights. i think she only new the term. lol okay anything.
her friends disgusted me. never slash yourself. =\
now that you have already found someone else, please stop getting close to me, stop talking to me like there's still hope. cause the closer you come to me, the more heart wrenching it is, the more pain it feels at the thought of you being with someone else.

Sometimes a man has to choose
And do something he doesnt wanna do
Do i live my life with you as my wife?
Or do i go on and pursue my lifetime dream?
i gotta do this for me
Cause if I dont I'll probably regret it
But if I do I'll probably regret it
How do I cope?

How do you cope when
the one you love is with somebody else
And theres nothin you can do about it
How do you deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career
I gotta take it though its heart-breakin'
Its something that I had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do I live
How do I deal without you

Its killing me to know
That your heart's with me
But you're with him cause I chose to be
In this industry
Money, shows and hoes come along with
Luxury and pain
Is all you see when you think about it
But this is the life
That I was given
So i have to live it to the fullest
But how do I deal in the meantime
Without you

left outside alone

2005-10-08T13:29:00.000+08:00

ohfuck. i just ruined my hair. okay sort of. not that bad as the last time i cut it. and that stupid hairdresser comb comb comb comb comb, after the haircut, all my earsticks were gone. -.- okay except two on top. and she kept..poking? my tragus. it already hurt alot then she still made it worse. =( now both my tragus hurts! ya even the one i closed. @$@#%~ next time i see that hairdresser i'm gna shred her into pieces. haha kidding.

so far geog and science papers were kinda okay. i'm confident i wouldnt fail. haha. after 9 hours of studying science? i've reached my saturation point ( haha cherine ) already! monday's history. i can't fail! my source based sucks can? haha. ohwell. i'm so looking forward to friday! =DDDD
okay i'm gng suntec now. with my mom. at least there's money? =
bye

why do you play me like a game?

close my eyes

2005-10-05T17:23:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you guys make me feel like killing myself.

my eyes are so tired and sore from crying today, already.
thanks shanna and ingrid, anna and kaiying, venecia, jonathan goh and xiquan for the concern? (: did i leave anyone out? ohwell thanks anyway!
and i have no more strength left to bother about you and whoever you're with already.
right. so i'm weak emotionally. actually physically as well.
whatever.

i'm sorry if you actually blame me.

so we pissed mdm teo off today. and sun li blamed me for getting a demerit? !@#$@%
i want to do well for geog.
good luck people. study hard. (:

the strength to carry on. ( is gone? )

you're the best thing that happened to me. you're the last one i'll ever love. thats what they always say. but you know what, it's bullshit. so yes. what ever happened to your last?

gifts and curses

2005-10-04T19:18:00.000+08:00

hello! at bedok library now studying with cherine. seriously.
oh damn. i still can't type softly =\ and cherine is studying so hard!
there was this guy sitting next to us. he was on the phone. i think he was talking to some "chicken" if you know what i mean. lol damn funny. then he was like "jing wan pei wo?" and he kept rubbing his tummy. LOL.

i wasnt in a good mood today as well. i'm sorry.
i don't wanna know.

how do you deal when someone you love is with somebody else?
how do you deal with the fact that you had a chance, but you choose to turn it away for your career?

ai mei rang ren shou jin wei qu.
he shi gai fang qi, he shi gai ji xu?

okay i'll better get back to study. 2 more days. and then its happiness!

i try to smile.

love

that thing you do

2005-10-03T17:50:00.000+08:00

woah today sure did pass fast. no common test so school ended early.

took bus with sheena and hongkai -.- what a WASTE of my time. haha. we took like the same bus to and fro? i could have STUDIED.ohwell.
saw tony! damn beng can? he pierced below his lip at the side there somemore. with the needle btw. i'm so disgusted?

anyway sheena and jiaying and me are probably going to transfer school. hmm. should we? let's see. i'll consider if i drop to normal chinese.
unless you show me that there's something worth for me to stay
and my sister forbids me to go to a girls sch. @$#@%!#~#@$#%
she said i'll become a bitch. and a bimbo - looks. and a lesbian. -.-
i thought of gng to chij ((: toa payoh. but its real far, no? ALYSSA! =D

shit i haven't been studying AT ALL. i'm supposed to be!

love

fall to pieces

2005-09-30T19:52:00.000+08:00

This week has gone by, fast. like, real fast. mugging hard and all ( the thinking ) has been enough already. i can't seem to absorb anything. at least i tried my best. ohwell.
jianyang you suck. why must you tell me everything. =(
i overslept while taking the bus today. and i alighted at idunnowhere. wanted to cab home but the road was so busy and i couldnt get any cab after so long.so i walked walked walked and i finally reached eunos mrt. moral of the story, cabbing is better than bus-ing? =x
anyway. jonathan goh and george almost got into a fight today. i was like ohmygoodness ohmygoodness stop please. the english enrichment teacher didnt even realise. -.-
yihao and ck hiang too. ck was too much.

happy birthday eugene
happy birthday ckhiang ( btw, go suck balls. )
happy birthday rachel
happy birthday stephanie? (:

http://www.av1611.org/hell.html
got it from anna's blog.
(:

bye.
i'm getting nowhere better.

2005-09-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

was pretty down today, still .
i'm sure there were tears during assembly.
anyway.
nab the lychees. =x
made my day.

all the blurry lines of clear.
i'm sorry i have been distancing myself. i had enough already. i need a break. it's been too much for me to take. you can just forget me. i don't feel the importance of my existance in that group anymore, anyway.

she wants to go home, nobody's home.
that's where she lies, broken inside.
no place to go, no place to go,
to dry her eyes, broken inside.

if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay.

i think of you and everything's alright

2005-09-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

i'm not in a good mood lately so don't make me.

2005-09-26T22:36:00.000+08:00

why is it you people keep complaining that we don't understand you.
do you think you understand me?
how many things i did not feel good about, i did not complain, neither did you spare a thought for me.
why i never tell you people certain things, i have lost trust in you. completely. time after time so many things happened and obviously they had to make an impression on my mind.
i don't know where i belong. i just came back from tuition and i realised it was the only time, all this while, that i laughed my heart out and was really happy. i felt really happy and really glad and blessed that i have such good company, such good friends, for well, once. this year.
good times - bad times = - good times
wait did i get that right? anyway.
wait again. i thought i said i'm going to put myself to blame on everything so as to salvage the situation, and i'm going to keep all these myself. whatever, megan.
what's your defination of a friend? is it somehow who tolerates with your mood swings, someone who puts up with you, someone who gives you the best? or, someone who showers you with love, someone who gives you a hug after a quarrel, someone who keeps her promises, someone who trusts, someone who never lies to you, someone who forgives you for what you have done wrong to her?

i myself havent been a good friend, or rather a best friend i can be. have i? of which excludes all the girlfriends in primary school.
as i'm writing this even, tears are welling up in my eyes, but i wonder, what's giving me the strength, the will, to hold the tears back. why am i even holding the tears back?
these few days has been a little too hard for me to take, cause of all the things happening, all that i've realised, and i've been extra sensitive lately. towards everyone around me.
all i ask for now, is peace between all of us, and maybe a little laughter, a little encouragement, a little love, a little understanding of how i'm feeling, that's all i ask of you. ( which of includes my mommy, which she most probably wouldn't read this )
even so, i may be very cold lately, so cherine if you're scared, i don't mind you not talking to me anymore. its okay. just go, mix with other people. it's just that i can't control how i feel.
megan sim, you're like contradicting can?

i'm feel so emotional these days.

now let me tell you what i have done for you,
5o thousand tears i've cried.

sheena, i'm going to steal your record. the smiles will reduce i'm sure.
i feel the stress.
not in the mood to study anyway.

and if i count all of my blessings, i'll have a smile on my face
not now, thou.

2005-09-26T19:12:00.000+08:00

number one : i'm not directly shooting this at you or anything
number two: so what if i'm jealous
number threee : i'm not blaming you.

you should know what you are. i just felt like writing this down.
sometimes i can't help but think you're .. nvm. i guess i shouldn't say this after all.
but i was seriously quite pissed with you when i was talking to you and halfwya you walked off just to talk to some guy. i'm not making a big fuss out of it.
it's like i can't share, or talk to you anymore, it's like, changed over the weekend. hilariously.
during recess when we all were together you left. finally all 7 of us were down there, yet you were missing.

now i understand why then you were sharing so much with felicia instead of me already. felicia listens, not hears. and its really nice.
i've decided to bottle up.

i'm thinking of my doorbell

2005-09-26T16:07:00.000+08:00

playing; dont speak - no doubt

shit i posted one long long post and poof its gone. shit blogger.
yesterday i was going through my stuffs and found a few things which brought back many many many of the old times and it was kinda sad. felt very emotional. oh well. so i wasn't in the best mood today, terie i wasn't angry or anything okay. i did smile though! (:
there was this effing big moth in out classroom during recess today. everyone freaked out. okay not everyone. i was so frightened i jumped onto my chair okay. =x okay that's so retarded. when did i become so scared.
talking about that, when i was looking at those books i used to keep, writing and doodling lots of stuff, i realised how much i have changed over the year. from primary school, i changed to "fuck you" here, "fuck you" there. then now, i don't anymore. and yes, alotalotatlotalotatlot of other changes. i used to be very introvert okay. haha.
things took a turn and got better. that's good. not really actually. not exactly better.
i went for lunch with my mom's company yesterday at marina. i saw this butch. ohmygoodness. <3333333333 hahahahaha. =x
oh that reminds me of that tpjc guy just now. -.- nevermind. felicia, you know what i mean? haha.

don't bother reading the next few paragraphs.
i just finished reading "a walk to remember" by nicholas sparks. i like i like. (: a bittersweet love story. yeah. then i was wondering, if (and i want to ) i was jamie sullivan ( is that her surname? ) . mandy moore in the movie. she's this very nice girl, who always talks about the Lord's plan, holding her mom's ( who passed away when giving birth to her ) Bible, reading it alone during lunchbreak, helping people as much as she could, ties her hair in a bun, wears a brown cardigan and a plaited skirt. she didn't have many friends but yah. her dad was a pastor in a baptist church.
then when doing a play, in memory of her mom, she and Landon Carter fell in love. he himself couldnt believe it. then blahblahblah she told him that she was suffering from leukemia, and her days are numbered. then they were so sad and blah blah blah.
even when she was sick, they still spent time together, reading the Bible. then on her deathbed, he propsed to her, after getting an answer from God, when he realised what he had to do. i can't really remember that part, but it was something about testing his earnesty or whatever. then yeah. she walked down the aisle still, because during those times it was veyr impt. so that's the walk to remember. and they got married, her dad read their vows, and the 1 corinthians verse, that love is patient love is kind that one, which the churhc filled which many people, she as she wanted it. she told landon earlier that that was her dream.
so i was thinking, what if i had only one year left before i die? what would i do?
maybe i'll be better off that way, anyway.

i feel like a different person, yesterday and today.

do you care

2005-09-23T20:53:00.000+08:00

playig; plumb - stranded

got a demrit today. zzz. so much for keeping a clean record. just because i didnt hand in my homework #$!%$ if it were for something else, i wouldn't mind. butttt. lol nvm. chengloon got his as well.
wheee i didnt get caught for attire or hair blahblah. i thought my fringe was !#$%! but sunli is a nice teacher (:
maths. i was trying so hard to listen to mr hamdan but that damned class just had to make so much noise. at least know your limits right. why make so much noise when the eoys are approaching and when we want to study? on my left and on my right i see people talk. everywhere actually. mr hamdan was of great help though.
i respect sun li. really. i talked to her a bit just now, she was really niceeee. and yeah, she's understanding. she's a great teacher la.
anyway. when we went to look for opg today, she said i looked responsible ((: so she let me be in charge of the handphones and the assignments. ohhhh i feeel so proud of myself! hahahah.
science remedial. mr tan couldnt make it so we had to do a worksheet. thanks vanessa and liangkai for helping (or, doing ) the paper for me ((:
felicia took mrt with me, YAY.thanks. ((: and i almost got stuck in between the doors or the mrt. adelineee! my ice cream dropped again! some time we go back mbs to have ice cream, then mine will drop, then you smash yours onto my specs, then you take my bag and throw it down form the second floor and ill throw yours alright? haha. i super miss those times please.

met alyssa dearest! (: i had great fun and i did like, 1/10 page of my zuo ye. yay. hahaha. alysssa go study! i love the neoprints and pictures we took and most imptly, i love her the most. hahha. ((: we HAVE to go out some other time eh? not enough time today! haha.

do i matter as much as she does? do you care do you want to know?
i want to go back to the times when noth'g worried us, when noth'g actually mattered. i want the old us, not now when we don't even talk to each other, when we don't even understand each other. no one refuses to give way, no one refuses to admit their in the wrong. maybe i will, i don't know why either. just to stop all of these i will. i feel the coldness in the class. Liu and Sheena. yes. i tried talk'g, but the conversation just wouldn't continue. let's put all these behind. if you're looking for someone to blame, someone to apologise, someone to get all shite comments and rumors, i don't mind it to be me. i'm sorry.
for now, let's mug and score.

2005-09-22T11:05:00.000+08:00

you can do anything you want, say anything you want. i don't care already. everyone has there own point of view and its like opposing each other's opinion. both sides do have a correct point. but sometimes, maybe, its just your nature, maybe you can't help it or whatever.
i'm not taking sides. i'm not going to.
let's see how things turn out.

but let me tell you,
i saw the tears, i tried to get near to you, i tried to listen, i tried to comfort, i tried to console, i tried to help, i tried to be the best friend i could, i tried to put aside how i feel and how others feel, i tried to include you, i tried not to judge, i tried to make you part of us, i tried to believe and i tried to trust. i tried.

2005-09-21T18:27:00.001+08:00

well i don't feel very happy now. in a bad moood and all. mood swings? hurhur. whatever. i don't give a fucking damn anymore. i don't trust any of you. you don't care about how i feel, or more importantly, how others feel. stop being so self-centred already. and. intelligence dosent mean youre always right. maybe you should know your limits and know when to stop. maybe i should isolate myself already.
no one seems to be there for me, to keep me going.
nothing ever goes my way. well yeah i know everything cant always go according to my wills.
but.
whatever.
i want the primary school friends back.

when you gonna ring it?

2005-09-21T16:39:00.000+08:00

exams are reachinggggg ad i'm studying real hard. ((: well, not exactly, but i'm putting in the effort. haha.
this week seeems to past very fast.
went to airport to study with cherine, sheena, hong kai and liu yesterday. didn't really study, but ohwell. there was this person who walked past us, then hongkai asked us to look at him. then we all turned back and look. then this woman sitting behind us thought that we were staring at her, then she said " kids ah.. " then shook her head or something. then we said loudly "tennagers. 16 yrs old leh" well i seriously doubted cherine looks like one though. then hongkai and liu went to the toilet. when they came back, the woman's boyfriend was like, " hood ah?" then hongkai said " hood hood!" -.- then before they left, then bf asked us "what's your problem huh? what you looking at? which sch?" then we said chung cheng and he actually believedddd.
hmmmmmmm nothing much to blog about alreadyyyyyyy. yupp.

i can't believe one day you felt so apologetic, the next day you completely forgot about everything and went back to your normal self.

wo yi zhi xi huan ni, yi zhi xi huan ni

leaving through the window

2005-09-17T22:24:00.000+08:00

playing; nickleback - photograph

went to bedok library to study with cherineeee today. wasnt any place there went i reached, so i sat far far from her. welll, there were two empty seats later on, shouldn't have gone there. we talked and talked and wasted so much time. lol at least i studied today ((:

went to bugis after that to get something. cherine had her dinner and i had something light. shit, do i just want to spend the money or do i just want to eat? [ 1 kcal = 4.2 kJ btw. if this comes out in the homec test, ha ha. ] left soon after that. oh, saw kc at the mrt entrance there.

stopped at eunos with herrrr. haha thanks for accompanying me, althou i think you have some other reasons ((: walked walked at the pasar malam. bought the stickers. damn cheap can. 1 big big piece = 20cents, 10 big big pieces = 1dollar ) hahaha. i was so attracted to the tinkerbell one. there were no incredibles! lol i feeeeel like a kid ((:
then i wanted to play that jump jump jump ( =\ ) thing. you know, the big big balloon? but cherine didnt want to =( so yeah. hahhaah. its fun alright.
hm then bought stuff to eat ( agn ) and left.
i took a bus down to mbs and wanted to walkd home. well i walked to mbs and back to the bus stop and walked home =x haha. well i really missed the times. yeahhhhh. wonderful memories ((: and the ge tai was damn scary la! i accidentally stepped on those baibai things. then suddenly i hear a shrieking sound. damn scary. cause there wasnt anyone there. but actually it was all the dongdongchiang =x

that bus stop. those times. why didnt i tell you earlier?

yupp then i reached home abt 9+. oh on the way back down my house, i say this lady who looked SO much like NC koh. the SIZE, the HEIGHT, eveyrhting. hhaa.

cherineeee i love you! hoho.

every memory walking out of the backdoor

saving all my love for you

2005-09-17T13:45:00.000+08:00

playing; plumb - a fairy tale

if perfection is what you one, no one has got it. well ,except Jesus. as i said, i'm not blaming you or anything. but if it's what you want, i'll respect your decision. then again, the world does not revolve around you.

all these things going on, it was supposedly good. and then, i don't know why you had to do all these. or think about all these. why can't you just see all these like its simple, not as complicated as you think it is? but well, if you want to distance yourself, im not saying you can't, but think, would you be happy that way? not only you feel that way, how would you know that in silence, we feel the same, just that we keep it to ourselves? sometimes you just have to let things go their way. anyhow we still want you back.

let's pray that miss teo dosent call my parents and i wouldnt get into, like, deep shit.
muggggging.

(:
so. i say, have a nice day.

We never talked about it
'Cause you never even cared
And what you really wanted
I never even had

'Cause what may seem right
And what may be wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that it's not enough
There's nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us
Where worlds collide

Together we seemed perfect
A fairy tale for show
And looking on the outside
You'd never even know

That we're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

We're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight

In this place we belong
Giving everything

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect.
- Alison Willcocks.

strange as it seems

2005-09-15T18:33:00.000+08:00

playing; the used - yesterday's feelings

i realised that figs taste good. or maybe its bc i'm hungry. 1kcal=4.2kJ btw. LOL okay i'll shut up for you, cherine.

it was a longgg school day today. i was about to sleep during all the lessons. except chinese. surprisingly.
umm. cme. lol had no idea what lkk was talking about seriously. she repeats the same thing every lesson. but her lessons are kinda fun. w
ell alicia was copying her "jia ju" right. then we were all laughing " gek la gek la" and jonathan ( goh ) kinda laughed the loudest. then lkk was like " laugh what laugh? people so hardworking, you leh? can take off your sc tie alr la. " in chinese. then jonathan went " no la. just that my jia ju more than hers." then he took his book out to show her and started copying. and when she turned her back, he stopped alr. lol i thought it was funny =x
then lkk was asking us to write down 3 points, what we look for when we make friends. then blahblahblah. then it was terie's turn. then terie said what she wrote la. then lkk thought she didnt write, went over to see her paper. then i think terie was scribbling, then she wrote the tong hua lyrics. then lkk read it out loud. everyone was like laughing la. haha. i betcha, lkk has no idea what's that.

follow up today. yeah. something like bible study. sheena, next time don't arrange anything on days with follow up alr can? we missed like 3 weeks alr. good luck finding your bible. lol.
so i couldnt make it for science remedial. told mr tan i had church stuff. then he asked me to go to 1g aft that. haha. but when it ended, the lesson ended too. then when i was gng home, i saw him outside the staff room from downstairs, then i wanted to shout goodbye mr tan. then i said "good" and then i rmb that i didnt go for his lesson. so i ran away. haha thats so retarded. =x

oh i failed my math's test. once again =( but this time i got 12/30 instead of 5/30! at least i improved =)) but im still chao disappointed, expected more. yeah. ima study harder and harder. shit i have no determination at all. i always say that.

i fell down while playing the piano just now! when can i ever stop falling down -.-
and i tied my hair today! although the ponytail is like damn short. and like 9999999 people touched it -.- at least i loooook guaiiii now. haha.

my ear hurts like shit now. and its like super red. even when i just touch the earing gently it hurts. =((

i saw rachel! that preeeetaye.

Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind
The worries are washed out to sea
See the changes, people's faces blurred out
Like the sunspots or raindrops

Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings, will all be lost in time.
but today ive wasted away for today is on my mind

Left the only worries I had in my hands,
Away from the light in my eyes
Holding tight and try not to hide how i feel

'Cause Feelings mean nothing now

I can't care to worry
Im feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind

Where feelings mean nothing now

Now I can't care to worry
I’m feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart

ginnnna and me. her hand is like TIN TEH. haha.

i think i look retarded here. ha ha.

talking about retardacy. no this is more like spasm.

terie wanted to take the ear so ear. now that hole is like red and swollen. -.-

felicia don't kill me!

cherine looks short. wait, she is short. LOL

actually i dont really know what were we doing. ohman liu's gna kill me.

its supposed to be the signature xiquan pose but i dont know what happened. haha.

hohoho

2005-09-14T16:59:00.000+08:00

today was pretty much boring
was super tired.
played floor ball during pe today. lame shit. -.-
then it was english and chinese and homec.
cooked spaghetti ( hmm how do you spell that? i got like a pathetic 46/60 for that stupid spelling thing today. =x cherine; at least i scored higher than you? haha ) . i'm so proud of myself! hahahah. theory was super boring, as usual. i fell asleep can. hahaha.
had some grooming yourself talk. lol very funny. and i couldnt stand those to two 1e girls la ( i forgot their names. ya. ) lol no offence to the others thou. =((((

cherine; wow you mentioned my name so many times in your post! i think you have a crush on me. HAHA. what picture?? how can any picture i draw be ugly? haha oh THAT ONE. i drew you right? LOL. and nope i'm not blogging bout that. i'm lazeeee. oh and your said i'm the lazy bum? i'm like so hardwork'g =( get your facts right. HAHAHA. oh and it was sharlyn who called me WHAT. hahha okay <333 oh before i forget. i'm still angry for pushing me at youknowwho at the hall -.-

liu; no i really don't care. not today, not tomorrow. hahah. maybe. not. =x

sheeena; heyyyyy hope you'll see this. don't be too upset about THAT thing alrights. (: don't lose your trusttttt. i'm innocent =( i thought you were veneciaaaa!

pearly; HEY. umm just wanted to thank you alot for ALWAYS being there. yupp. despite you not lending me the homec stuff. haha kidding.but yeah, you're really a great friend. hope everything's alright over there yeah? oh and that bubbly part. i'm work'g on that. haha. =x

came out of that shell. those selfish thoughts.

your lady

2005-09-13T10:36:00.000+08:00

pw now. ohmygoodness i may get caught anytime. the teacher is like so near but who cares. shit she's nagging that i didnt pass up my summary reporttttt.
i found the standup speakup band. real. haha. in comp lab.
felicia's beside me now! ((:
anyways. in the hols ive been waking up at like 2pm. so i cant really sleep now. i slept at 4+ and woke up at 5+ can. so im like super tired and ive drunk 3 cans of coffffeee =x
went out for lunch with my parents ytd. and watched the cave. twas quite boring at first. but kinda okay later.i still fell asleep though. with my parents. -.-

my bro dosent know what "rubber" means. as in. rubber. yeah. he was wearing that baller id thing.
ian : jiejie im wearing the rubber to sleep

-.- lol

okay. andddd

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANNA! ILOVEYOU! ((:
and thanks FELICIA for doing my worksheet for me! and, well, passing it up. hehs. ((:

-i don't wanna believe that its over now

[ edit ]
liu : you weren't forced!
[ /edit ]

sharlynnn : don't worry. everything will be all right. (:

the greatest love of all

2005-09-10T21:52:00.000+08:00

changed skin. kinda lag no?

my knees are hurting again. i can't walk! =(
nevermind. muggged today. 3 hours! believe it or not!
studied geog. and amazingly, i understood everything.
wheeee. i want to score for EOY. say, is it possible? =(
anyhow, ima work hard, and i'm serious this time! realllleh.
oh shit. result slip to sign. =(( 50.3fiveeee. howhowhow.

btw, liu : i didn't copyyyy you! i bought the show first okay. haha. and you actually DREW on that converse shoe? that's stupid. and ugly please. (: hahahah. especially the line behind the star. damn tin teh. i sawwww youre blog and ima kill you!! hahahahah

you're on my mind, had another sleepless night
and all I think about is that I want you here and now
all I wanna say is that I want you in my life
I need you to hold me make me feel so right
there's no other love
you're everything that I'm looking for and more
so tell me why, why are you so shy
when you're walking right by I get this feeling inside

baby I want you but I don't know what to say
I see you everyday when you come around my way
I want you to know that I'm in love with you
so baby come on come on and tell me how you feel

my friends say that I'm wasting my time
but I don't listen to them
cause I know you're gonna be imine
they don't understand the feelngs inside
all I want from you is that you give me a sign
tell me how you feel, tell me how you feel
I can see it in ur eyes when you're walking by
you feel me, I feel you too
why are u so shy when u walk by
I get this feeling inside

the unloved

2005-09-08T19:33:00.000+08:00

ajiseeeen. i'm sick of it.

10th earhole (:
since i closed my tragus piercing =(
it left a scar!

All at once,
I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that
You're not coming back
And it finally hit me all at once
All at once,
I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell,
And all my dreams were shattered all at once

Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea(notsee)
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once

All at once,
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms,
And all my dreams were shattered, all at once
All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories, all at once

i love you, yes i do.

love.

_|_

2005-09-07T12:08:00.000+08:00

bad mood.

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life
Passes things, get more comfortable
Everything is going right
And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're coolI know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain
Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown, oh
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

nice song.

sentosa with gina and sheena. wheeee. wait. when's that? =x

i'm sick

2005-09-03T20:08:00.000+08:00

ugggh when there was school, i was hoping to get sick so i have a reason to skip school. of all times, i get sick during the holidays. lol okay whateVAR. ( wait does this look familiar? :) ) hehs.

didn't go to cornerstone or riverlife today.
spent my time at home READING. ohmygoodness. me, reading? hmm it just dosen't sound right. haha. i think reading too much causes a headache, in my case. was supposed to be STUDYING but i didn't know where to start..

i think sun li called my parents.. i was using the computer this afternoon when my dad suddenly asked me about my common tests results. i was like shocked la. usually he wouldn't know if i get back my report card and stuff, until the last day of the holiday =x
so i told him that my results weren't good and that i failed 2 subjects. just like that he threatened to cancel the internet connection and confiscated my handphone and ipod. i was like HUH ? lol but nevermind. i know he wouldn't. this is like the 9999999999999 times he said that. hoho.
then my mom came to talk to me and ask if i had any problems (...) and she wants me to take PRIVATE tuition. no way.. i'll sleep and it's a waste of time and monayye. so we sorta quarrelled lol. kinda stupid.
but after everything i turned off the computer and went to read and she treated me super nice la. weird. everyone wasn't at home and i was reading, then she said she left some money on the table and i could use if i'm going out ( apparently she knows that i have no savings. zzz ) and she said i could use the computer actually. how ironic.
zzzzzzzz why dosen't my parents tell me that sun li called whenever she does? i think she likes to complain for the fun of it. i don't talk during lessons ( seriously). and that time she was angry with me because she said she saw me hanging out with one big group of pai kias. -.- she complained to sheena's mom that i'm bad influence blahblahblah. i think she's biased against me la.
umm yeah. i've finally finished reading p/s i love you already. (: after like what? two months? lol.

anyway, alyssa.

love, i know what you're going true and actually, we're going through the same problems .. yeah so actually you don't have to feel sad or anything because of those umm..bitches, they are just backstabbers la. just want you to know that i'll be here for you no matter what alright? (: stay strong and we'll go through this together. hoho. we'll find some time to go towning tgt, prolly after the end years? (: God has His reasons for doing things and, God leads us to it, He brings us through it. yupp. remember that. (:

i have an ulcer on my tongue and it hurts like shite.

My gift is my song and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
Hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

I sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss
Well some of the verses well, they...they got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to Love, and be Loved in return."
- MOULIN ROUGE!

nicole kidman is gorgeous.

emptiness

2005-09-02T17:48:00.000+08:00

if that's the step you've taken and if you'll stop there, i'm sorry. you don't even feel apologetic. i apologised, i gave in, everything's still the same. but i guess it makes no difference anymore, you win. you win.

woke up effing early yesterday for the captain's ball match, which i didn't wanna go, because i was afraid my mood and the conflicts would affect the people and the game. well it did. i didn't catch your balls ( errhem. ), not that i didn't want to. well sorry 1g that we back out, had to settle some problems and we weren't ready, yihao wasn't there yet was he? was feeling very emotional. it was my turn yesterday. i broke down. i couldn't take the pressure anymore.. thanks wenxin, 7even, ellisa.
anyway i couldn't stand 1k. ( no offence ) i mean, chealsea only. her attitude, since the start of the year. oh man. and that scout guy. so what if you're from scouts? big? oh and i feel super sorry that i made tony fall. yupps. although i also couldn't stand you, i saw that blood clot and i couldn feel the pain ( right.. ). haha. yupps. sorry. but you hit into me and my shoulder hurts like shit, even now.

paper 1 today. was okay i guess. the chinese compo, i almost cried when i wrote it please. not that i wrote well ( duh ), but i wrote my true feelings. yupp. oh and we got back out term report for term 3. 50.35. beat that. arrgh. i'm seriously veryvery disappointed in myself. i put in hard work, and this is what i get. how am i going to sign that damned piece of paper? =( and i wasn't feeling good when some people who obviously got sososo much higher than me complaining, feeling sad and all. did you consider how i felt? i felt much worse than you did, that's for sure. i don't blame you, but why did you have to do that in front of me..

east point and tampines today. i went home myself, and i feel totally different, i don't know why.

i don't know what's this feeling inside of me. emptiness maybe. i feel alone. i still feel trapped, when i confided in my friends, even when they offered many words of assurance. even in the company of friends i feel alone, even when in the middle of a thousand people, i feel alone. when i lie down and cry, that was when i felt most alone. every day, i wake up, go to school, go out, go home, sleep, wake up and so on. every day i wake up, You gave me strength. You are the reason i'm still hanging on. other than Him, my life's like aimless, like there's nothing important living for, other than You.
everything's changed ever since the third term. maybe it has been a mistake since the beginning already, anglican wasn't the place for me. everybody's changing, and i don't feel the same. why is it, when i'm being who i really am, and i have no ostensible goal, but people think complicated, and they always get the wrong idea, the wrong impression, leaving me misunderstood.
who would know, behind these (forced) smiles are tears? behind these (forced) smiles i'm alone? behind these (forced) smiles, i'm giving up, i'm breaking down.. when was the last time i smiled, and i really meant it; i laughed till my sides and cheeks ached? i can't remember..
since no one truly understands, i choose to bottle up my own feelings, drowning myself with problems, troubles. so many that even if you ask me now, i don't know what to say. so many i can't take it any longer. Father grant me strength, and peace.
i was walking home and all these just came to me, somehow. i was happy that moment, and the next, i feel down. i don't know. my heart seems heavy, it's sinking. really. i can feel it. i don't have the mood to do anything now. i don't know why, i cried on the way home. ( i told you i was feeling super emotional ) yeah i seriously think the bedok north people thought i was weird as they stared at me.
maybe after today you'll see the difference. maybe after today, the smile you see on my face would not be as radiant. but i'll put on a brave front, i'll still put on that smile. but who knows whats deep down inside? i don't choose to complain anymore, i don't choose to quarrel anymore , i don't choose to blame anymore, i choose to accept. i choose to take in everything, accepting the fact. even if i'm blamed wrongly, i'll accept that it's my fault.. i don't know why.
thanks for everyone who has been there all these while. 7even ( i don't blame you for being the cause of this, its my fault ), alyssa, shanna, wenxin, fangying, huiling, kaiying, wen mei, pearly, vivien, chenyin, zhixin, ( anyone i left out ) for your encouragement and blahblah. iloveyou. (: thanks alot, but, please don't try to talk me out of this anymore, i don't want to disappoint you..
i feel heavy, i pull my legs to walk, to carry on. Father, grant me strength to carry on. it's because of You i'm here. increase my faith..
i feel veryvery emotional.

okays i feel much better already, pouring out my thoughts. umm yeah. thats all.

" when a butterfly flaps its wings, it creates a storm a hundred miles away. "
even the smallest, slightest, seemingly insignificant thing, has its consequences.

with love

letting go

2005-08-31T21:22:00.000+08:00

what gave you the reason to be so pissed. okay i was in the wrong. but i forgot todally about my damned tuition la. you think i don't want to pon? how many times i pon alr la. and mine is group tuition not like yours, private. you think i can just change the timing if i want to? so it's all my fault alr la. fine, it's all my bloody damned fault. and the loveus retreat, i told you i most probably would be able to make it. make this clear, probably. go check the dictionary if you cannot get the meanings right. if you could make it on the day before i would be able to go. but when i my mom knew it was a christian camp, she wouldn't allow. so yeah. it IS my fault.who was the one who said never to curse again? i thought you have changed to become more understanding but you know what? fuck off.. fuck i don't even feel like going for the captains ball thingy too. so you and i don't go, why not everybody don't go also la.if this is what you want, SORRY.

teacher's day. performance everything was crap, except a few dances. imee, clara, yan tze and denise baked a cake for the teachers. it was so yummy can.
cabbed back to mbs with adeline, botin and cindy. saw manymany people there. hehs so happy ( that was then ). really had great fun la. just walking arnd, hanging in the 6i clasroom and those times just kept coming back. i love the class. not like 1d, not one bit.
gave jianyang his pencilbox. he had better like it (: shuai gayyy. hoho. he IS shuai ( you better be honoured )
melissa, yan yi, rachel, dawn, wendy, cyndia, yu xin, all have became prettier (:

went to marina square to bowl with adeline, wendy, wuileng, dawn, botin, vivian, cheryl, si hui and yu xin . tell you what. we were nooooobs. seriously. when we finished our game, total it up, is less than botin's/vivian's total score. hahha. wendy's was 0000000000 all the way. but she scoed 2 fours right? hahahaha.
walked arnd aft that and went back.
( NOTE THAT PERSON, tuition's aft that )

seriously i feel different with the 6i girls. i feel like i belong, i feel very comfortable. not always when im with you guys though. cherine i think you feel the same too right. its like, the difference is so big la. when i'm with them, i feel happy. but when i'm with you guys, i'm always having this restriction, afraid that something will happen, someone would be angry become of their sensitivity.

picturesss.
6i girls i love youuuuuuuuuuu guys (((: i misssssss you!

You and me we used to be together
Every day together, always

I really feel that I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe this could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real, well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Our memories they can be inviting
But some are altogether mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
No no no
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are

You and me
I can see us dying, are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
No no
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't speak, don't speak, don't speak, oh
I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons

I know you good, I know you good

wendy:Lord Of The Rings hahahaha

cool not.

kinda blur..

(:

bowling. dawn and me

wendy and me

not that deep though.

kaixiiiii (:

ilovelovelove this picture (:

bball court! (:

classssroom.

cynnnndia.

see the pic of the buddha? theres no glass because we broke it. and you know the place where you put the markers at the whiteboard there? its broken because of us. hohoho.

daaaa pond ( took these pictures because mbs's renovating next yr i think. i'll miss that classroom! )

toilettt

thats all (:

i don't want to look back, afraid that it'll hurt even moe letting go.

my wounds cry from the grounds

2005-08-28T13:18:00.000+08:00

at first we thought everything, all the problems were over. then we had our personal ones, and someone wants to give up on us, and she wants us to give up on her.

think, is it worth it? giving up, would it make things better? giving up, your just leaving the things you have done halfway hanging there. but if you continue, at least theres still a chance.
and you think it's only you who wants to give up? no. we have our own problems too. the world dosen't revolve only around you you know. we are just hanging there, even if nothing would be done, at least we tried.

thats all i have to say.

once i think of you, everything will be alright

2005-08-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

i'll bleed, knowing that you wouldn't care.

this post is due to the demand of the (self-proclaimed) great one. wait, i just posted ytd. -.-

anyways. this post is random.

the crave came back. i gave in to temptation. it's been a longlong time. i promised never to do it again. i'm sorry. but things aren't going well. why are people so insensitive, not knowing that every word they say, it hurts? each word is like a knive stabbing into my heart. there's nothing i can go. cut? cry? the crimson blood drips, you wouldn't care, and i dropped heavy tears. once again.

Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to bleed, and ~~fuck~~, and fight.
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pigmy sized cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand ~~fucks~~?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.
Love is not like anything.
Especially a fucking knife.

goodnight world.
as i say my last goodbye

cherine: i love you (: just wanna let you know i'll be there for you aye, cupcake? (:
happy with the post alr? hehs. good luck studying for that damned oral. i just found out today. what's more, it's chinese -.- goodnight, sweet (:

so deep that it didn't even bleed

2005-08-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

school today was alright. nothing much happened. was a much better day. (:

i feel like a bitch today. well, sometimes i can't stand it anymore ( which i couldn't in this case ) i just had to bitch about you. yupp i guess you know we did, anyhow we told you how we felt after that. guess you were really affected by it, but yeah, we just wanna let you know the truth. read eugene's blog anyway. you seem quite sad today, well, yeah, naturally. haha. and i was pretty disappointed in you sayign that you're a Sunday Christian. why say that, when you're not putting an effort to change, or have not changed? yeah. hope you'll change for the better. will keep you in my prayers (:

dance moves.

today was pretty slack. but somehow english seemed so long, it dragged on and on and on.
neways, oral on monday is it? shit i haven't prepared. and the exams are coming soon. study study study.

planning to go to RiverLife. yupps. went there a few times and the people there were nice.. the pastor's not bad either. don't feel like gng for cell at ASC anymore, don't think i'm ready yet. sorry wen mei and shiling and yuting jie =( feel so bad though. after all it was yutingjie who introduced Christ to me. but i'd rather go for service than cell though, but ASC services are on Sundays.
oh yah. thanks Cherine. for talking to me. persuading me. Hope to find my answers soon, have to be sensitive already. Glad that my Father above is always there for me. (: i see things getting better and better. i feel blessed (: but there are still some things......
Felicia, do take care yeah? you didn't pass the fever to me. sad. okay that's stupid. haha. i feel headach-y though, but i am not sick. why is my body so stubborn. haha. still, take care. haha. class was pretty quiet over at my side today, and boring. haha. get well soon (:

the weakness in my eyes
because of you.

i promised never to again. but i feel hurt, i feel jealous. i said i take things seriously and i did, and i did what i said i would. nothing would heal the hole anymore, i promised never to hurt the temple of the Holy Spirit anymore. but i was forced into doing that. after this time, never again. i find it stupid. but it's just something telling me to. i can't take the pain. you act like you don't care, but do you? don't kid with me, [[ even before you have opened your mouth, you have already spoken.

pieces mended

2005-08-25T18:52:00.000+08:00

i've been kinda AP these few days.. don't know why. everything seems wrong.. anyways. thanks for those who were always there for me, encouraging me (:
and yeah, sorry bout today people. i wasn't in a good mood and after what you all did to felicia, i was even more pissed. sheena, it wasn't your fault i was angry at you la. just that when felicia was feeling sad, you were talking so loudly about that thing that made her sad.
it seems like no one understands, like no one knows how i exactly feel, except cherine, though not at all times, but yeah. thanks for listening to all my complains.
why is it that every day there must be someone who 1d caused to cry? why are they all so insensitive, not caring about how others feel? imagine you're the one who put in all the hard work and effort, all the contributions to the class. and what do you get back in return? bo chap attitude, people not listening to what you asked them to do, rejections. almost every day, at least one teacher have to lecture us, talk to us about our characters and attitudes. yesterday it was sun li, today it is opg, what about tmr? ( although compared to 6i, this is nothing =\ )
went home with felicia, vivien, chinyee and angela. saw sheena with pamela (you're prettier. ), bryan with leonard (?) and angela's sjab senior. haha. she had to sit with him.

tomorrow would be a better, i believe.

shanna is BADBADBAD! she dosen't love me anymore!! =( she said hi to cherine first and she said bye only when angela said bye! =( LOL.

OHOH. I SAW WEN LONG ( THAT YOUNG ACTOR, ROBBIE FROM ROBBIE AND THE BOOK OF TALES SHOWN ON ERR. KIDS CENTRAL =\ ) AT APPLE CENTRE WHEN PURCHASING MY IPOD MINI YTD! (LIKE FINALLY.) YEAH, THAT GUY FROM ASCI. CUTEEE. HEHS. HE WAS WITH HIS MOM AND GF/SIS I THINK.
had free haagen dazs from sarah (:

things you'll never say. never. no face, shy, or you simply don't want to? i still love you.do you know? would you ever?
[[ can't you see i want you by the way i pushed you away?

if you come back

2005-08-24T19:22:00.000+08:00

fuck off, NP. fuck off.
i was so effing fed up today. like how long did we take to take a few pictures, which prolly all looked more or less the same. i was almost an hour late.
i asked venecia to get me my bag, i dont know what the hell she shouted. and yeah. whateverr. and liu was busy playing bball -.-

sorry people. i wasnt in a good mood today.

if you're missing i will run away

2005-08-23T16:17:00.000+08:00

i'm eating canned food now. reminds me of camp. rations. during camp, surprisingly, it tasted heavenly. now, it tastes like shit. but who cares, i'm eating it. who cares if i get fat. haha. i had chicken rice already but there's still space for more. =\
sunli talked to us today. obviously, it was because of what gina and jiayu said yesterday. don't think it was entirely their fault though. its a dialouge session, we're supposed to voice out, no? crap.
but i was very touched by what sunli said. i respected her. well i think she deserves our respect. after all, she's our teacher. her words seriously made me feel guilty, for being a nuisance and for letting her down with my results.
she said what? she didn't want to teachs us anymore. and apparently she said something which meant i " wu ke jiu yao" whateverrr. haha. but she really touched us la. many wanted to cry alr. i think she herself almost cried. okay. every teacher that teaches my class would cry at least once. wanted to apologise to her, but yeah. i couldn't really face her.
she threatened to give those who didnt pass up assignments a green form ( apparently i was in the bunch ) yeah. but she brought two only. was that enough? obviously not. haha. okay. anyway i was kinda surprised.

you just don't care anymore
the words hurt me like razors. they hurt me like needles pinning into my skin. like penknives on my skin, once again. as i cry to my cutter.

suddenly the world seem such a perfect place

2005-08-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

shit it. my comp's fucked up.
tm with wenmei and wenqi today. supposed to go with someone else, but i thought there was np but there wasn't and i actually saw him at tm. what the shit. if you're angry, sorry then. =(
caught the maid ytd with the cousins. passed by the house which they shooted the whole movie. creepy. was at haig girls.
why is everyone scaring me! wasn't scared at first until after tuition today =( wah lau. everyone scare me, teacher scare me, classmates scare me. sharlyn even said that i looked like a ghost, because of my uniform. then they were all sharing experiences etcera etcera. apparently i didnt dare come home myself. so i asked my dad to fetch me home =\ actually it was okay, cause junyong and lewis always walke the same route, but no one would take the same lift up. oh man. grant me peace.
sharlyn, where's my pocket bible? ima bring it everywhere.

alyssa dearest;
thanks soso much for your encouragement and that.. post. (: i treasure you alot as a friend too. yeah, after reading that post i realised that they weren't the only ones. they can't always be there for me. maybe i'm too bottled up already.
surely you met with some problems yourself yeah? but don't worry about that. that was just pure crap. shit. hehs. there are manymany people who loves you, me for one. (:
i know it hurts, although i haven't gone true that, i know i know. yeah. i've gone true worse actually, not on the comp. but glares and stares, and i don't even know what they meant, they hated me or what? and behind my back, they prolly would be bitching about me. so yeah. i guess this is part of life. you don't have to take it seriously. don't love anything in this world. but you can love me. hahaha. (: cheer up my pencil queen (:

the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be love in return.
suddenly the world seem such a perfect place.

friends forever, give or take.

2005-08-19T23:45:00.000+08:00

dear seven-of-you,
suddenly i have this urge of writing this down , telling you guys of how i feel. not all seven will read but yeah. this is how i feel, somehow. umm yeah. you should know who you are right?
umm yeah i admit there are conflicts between us and that i have some serious attitude problems now and then. ( or maybe more often ) but don't you think as the days passes, we're drifting further and further apart? we're doing our own stuff we can't be bothered with each other's life, and how they feel, anymore. one is always about her group of (guy) friends ( i'm not saying anything bad please) and an sc tie. two is into ihavenoideawhat. one is busy with council and cca. one is closer to other people out of this group. in between i find many secrets lying.
recently i have this mixture of feelings, bitter and sour. i seriously don't know how i feel, what i want, how will be satisfied, and who to turn to ( friends in this case. ) no one is there for me ( seven of you. ) no one noticed the change. not one. even on my birthday i had to cry. you know like how many times tears dropped? maybe i'm too weak emotionally but none of you cared, except for sheena. you can't be bothered at all eh?
only shanna, pearly and vivien noticed that i have been very sad recently. surprisingly. like either i just knew them, or i'm not that close to them. i expect you to be the ones who ask, but no. yes so they are the ones i can turn to when i feel sad. good listeners, good advices, instead of commenting of stuff. i don't find that in any of you. sad to say.
my birthday this year was of no significance, nothing special. just 13 years of my life, the day marks. my friends last years would make it special, would make my day, when what you guys did was make me cry. i just don't understand. is money more important than a friend? at least felicia. ( nevermind. erhmm) i appreciate it alot la. i love you. (:
yes and the secrets. do you realise like we don't tell everyone everything (amoung us)?like cherine(what you wrote in your blog) you told felicia something, why couldn't you tell all of us? felicia, tells xiquan everythign and hides so many stuff from us. ask her and our answer is a straight, loud and clear 'nothing!' in a cheerful voice at that. gina, always busy with st john and council, bochap attitude, leaving cherine and i alone in the canteen when you all have finished eating and we haven't. it seems she rather go with her st john and council friends than us. gina, since you got in council, you've changed. i want the old you back. the enthu gina. not the gina who is always oh-so-lethargic, energy-less. don't keep yourself so busy, you need a break, seriously.
we lack trust. we have to build this friendship. to a strong one. it may just break anything, this friendship. anytime.

correct me people. i hope i'm wrong, my views about you. i'm not insulting, it's how i feel. hope that we'll have a good talk one day. like that day gina suggested a hear-to-heart talk, and ended up she couldnt make it.

with love. megan.

you don't care

2005-08-19T21:44:00.000+08:00

i think my birthday this year was the shittiest.
but thanks anyway everyone for wishing me. (: love you guys. hehs.
so i'll give INGGRID credit for finding my wallet and passing it to VIVIEN to return it to ME. (: that tall tall GIANT. hehs.
the maid is nice. i like i like. screamed for the thrill. but yes there are really scary parts.
my throat is almost sore from telling wenxin the whole show. the plot is kinda stupid actually.

oh yes happy birthday augustine! (:. great people have the same birthday. great people join NP. great people play with light sabres ((:

um. NP today was slack. i like. captain's ball. (: who's going for inter class? hehs. niu nai wang! i love that game la.
85 with wenxin and sheena.
came back grumpy because it was so late and i havent had anything for the whole day and my asthma's working up. )=

wonder if he saw that. but he didn't ask anything. glad he didn't. remember last year this point of time. oh well. do you know it's you that i'm referring to? where are you? you don't care. one more chance. i can't give you up. but i will.you don't understand the whole bloody thing. it's not you, its me.

you left, i died. i went, you cried.

2005-08-17T17:36:00.000+08:00

i love wednesdays. they are the slack-est days of the week (:

physical education in the more. okay pe sounds better. did standing broad jump and sit ups. then everyone was like practising and practising, jumping all over the place. so did i =s didn't do stretching before that. so yeah. there was this piercing pain in my ummwhat'sthat? to the left of my stomach. muscle ache is it? are there muscles there? =\ anyway. it just hurt so much la. i jumped a distance of 190cm okayokayokay! but my hands kept falling back. what the. so ended up with 177cm only. -.- anyhow its still an A. haha k haolianhaolianhaolian!
my stomach hurt, so naturally i couldn't do sit-ups well enough. so i had one hand on the place where it hurts and the other on my ear =\ until mr chua said to cup both hands to our ears.

the whole chinese period was wasted on talking about class stuff. stealing and some unity shit. mostly money stuff. sunli told us to write manymany stuff. irrelevant stuff. she even wanted us to write down the names of the people who are anglican who came from the same primary school, your parent's particulars, our sibling's particulars, how much we get a week (diao ). you know right. she even wanted us to write down the serial numbers of the dollar notes we have EVERY DAY. -.-

homec was fun seriously. cooking. if prissy would help more. i did almost everything. everything, she chose to do the easy ones. but our porridge was nicenicenice! i left some for everyone to try. you know, you have to share the good stuff? yeah. lol. haolianhaolain! ohmygoodness i'm so haolian recently. hohoho. even isabelle who tried said it was nicer than venecia's ((:

i hugged vanessa again today (: hahaha.

assembly. boring.
venecia came to my house to do that homec project. supposed to do it in school. but.. uhh. the comp lab couldn't be used. we slacked more actually. oh yah that reminds me. i haven't watch my passion of the christ vcd. =\ okay neway. she's gonna do like 99% of the project =\ it's due on monday.
saw yantze at the bball court (:
hmm. gotta wrap some stuff. ((:

rather waste some time with you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH HENG (korkor) AND WANYIN! (:

one more chance cause i can't give you up.

2005-08-16T18:00:00.000+08:00

yay i got 36/50 for my chinese. may not be good to some of you but i'm like super satisfied already. i didn't study much, just last minute cramming cause i couldn't find my book. is that an a2? i think so. ohmygoodness ohmygoodness. i can't believe it. okay i'll continue studying hard. i can do it. i can. but i'm disappointed that i got 29/60 for my chinese compo. =school was boring, as usual and i was more tired than usual today. i slept during history. i think he's prejudiced. against me. i was sitting down. in some awkward position i'm used to sitting, then he said " please stop sitting like you're in a nightclub" something like that. then he showed us a video. like so many people were falling asleep. i was trying very hard to keep my eyes from closing, yet he stared at me and said " i'm giving one demerit point to people who sleep in my class. you come to school to study, not sleep" oh please. but he looked scary. usually i'd just stare back.
okay anyway. that day i was having lunch. adeline took my ezlink and wanted to peel that neoprint of to look at my photo, claiming that she missed my long hair -.- then that group of bballers pass here pass there but i got it in the end! yay! i hugged vanessa!! ((: then i didn't realise that i left my wallet in the canteen. luckily VIVIEN saw it and passed it to me. VIVIEN SIM I LOVE YOU! hoho. ((:
anyway. i learnt quite a lot from mr tan during science today. everyone was giving him that restless attitude and making much noise ( as usual) not fair to him! k anyway. i was up for remedial. so he asked me why was i scoring so badly. then i said i wasn't really interested in science. yeah. then he just walked away w/o saying anything. from his facial expressions, could see that he was angry, or disappointed ( maybe because i gave up just because i didn't like that subject.) yeah. i regretted saying that. gonna try my best in everything, regardless whether i like it or not.
remedial with 1f. they were okay. but don't think they really liked us. anyway. learned a lot. i actually paid attention. i think mr tan just rocks la. nice teacher. he's like super friendly. and yeah, he's assisting me alot during lessons. i appreciate it mr tan! (:

sheena : don't be sad or worried anymore okay? sometimes you just hafta let go. new things would then come. at this age, don't think you shouldn't be taking stuff too seriously. anyhow, i still love you! there's always me (: i can call you every night if you want to (:

one more chance for the sake of our love, please give me one more chance cause i can't give you up.
what's going on?

2005-08-14T20:13:00.000+08:00

three of us again! hoho. my personal favourite ((:

k thats all, folks.

i'm too lazee to download.

plus i hafta study. and i'm really gonna study. (:

2005-08-14T20:11:00.000+08:00

kimberly; yours truly. ((: i so like that room la. mirrors every where!

2005-08-14T20:09:00.000+08:00

kimmie; shawnKORKOR; me

2005-08-14T20:07:00.000+08:00

oh man. look at the difference in size. ( the cakes ) nevermind. since he's turning 21. (:

2005-08-14T20:05:00.000+08:00

make a wish make a wish; okay that song's so gay. i didn't know what to

wish for so i hoped that everyone would be happy =)) nono. even though

i said it out, it would come true. hehs.

drenched in my pain again

2005-08-14T20:02:00.000+08:00

vera; kim; megan; amelia

2005-08-14T20:01:00.000+08:00

kinda fake, no?

2005-08-14T20:00:00.000+08:00

my sister, ac and ay!( his hair his hair) isn't my sis' top nice? but of course. it's mine! hoho =\

2005-08-14T19:58:00.000+08:00

my partner-in-crime for lagging the cam with all our photos! haha. kimmie! and er.. AY's hands

2005-08-14T19:56:00.000+08:00

ac. and his so-called masterpiece -- my hair! copper copper.

2005-08-14T19:54:00.000+08:00

my stupid brother and his retarded smile. always spoiling the picture.

2005-08-14T19:52:00.000+08:00

AC and his constipated face.

and you jerk it out.

2005-08-14T19:07:00.000+08:00

couldn't make it for cell yesterday! sorrry wen mei and shi ling! (:
celebrated my birthday early with AH yesterday. ho. he's turning 21. old old old! x)`
can't believe i'm finally turning 13 this thursday. how quickly time passes. 13 years already, which actually seemed like 5 years only. hoho. not really looking forward to being 13 though. i wanna stay p6! >.<
pictures coming up (:
played with the cream on the birthday cake. arggh. i wash my face and soon it's dirty again! haha. quite fun though, smearing cream on everyone's face!
had vodka cause we lost some games. hohoho. then we helped sanjie's friends to write lines. they were punished! i wrote like 4 pages. that sentence is stuck in my head already : "i must remind one another to do area cleaning" the english is so wrong! haha. NS what.
AC and edwin went to colour my hair with mascara! what the hell! my whole head was copper! okay not everything. but i kinda like it though! haha. and AY's was half blonde half copper; one eyebrow blonde one copper. haha. damn gaoxiao.

alrights. uploading pictures! and i'm gonna study for my science. seriously. ((:

Eve, the apple of my eye

You left it, I sent it
I want it back
You left it, I sent it
I want it back

If I had you here, I'd clip your wings
Snap you up and leave you sprawling on my pin
This plan of mine is oh so very lame
Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know

Accept it, Don't let it
Turn the screw
Accept it, And let it
Scream back at you

Now this applies both equally to you and I
The only thing we share
Is the same sky
These empty metaphors
They're all in vain
Like can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

In the garden Snake was a charmin'
And Eve said let's give it a try
Now lead us not into temptation
But no matter how hard I try
When in the garden and
Snake is a charmin'
And Eve says let's give it a try
Eve is the apple of my eye

And I lie behind you
And a cradle you in the palm of me
And I pat your hair down
I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim

oh my love, my darling.

2005-08-12T20:11:00.000+08:00

what's sun li's problem ?
well today cherine lost ten bucks ( yet again. ) so she went to tell sun li about this. then she was like " must be your that group of friends" so she asked whose money hasn't been stolen. so it's terie and sheena. then she asked liu and cherine to ask terie to go see her.
then she kept asking terie for her wallet. and kept questioning her. then she couldnt find the ten bucks with terie, then she asked her if sheena is those kind who'll steal money. -.-
why must it be our group? she thinks we're bad influence which is SOSOSO NOT true! we're like so GUAI la. like how bad can we be right.
then that time she called sheena's mom and told her about her conduct and not passing up homework and everything ( heng she didn't call mine! shows that i'm BETTER than her! haha! ). then she told her mom to get sheena away from our clique, say we're bad influence. WTH. what does she want us to be? like liu shuang? tucked in shirt fully, top everything in class, go home study study sleep sleep go to sch? -.-

supposed to go back to mbs. i was waiting for someone. but i didn't receive any msg or he didn't tell me that he couldnt make it because of training i suppose! what the hell! FORGIVE AND FORGET. so nevermind. ((:

iloveSHANNAdear
ilovemyPENCILqueen
ilovemyNANA,myTEDDY,myCONDOM,myFELI,myGIGI and myJIAYING! (:

new found loves ((:

now that i've let you go, you keep coming back to me.

2005-08-11T19:47:00.000+08:00

school was BORING, as usual. i almost slept during chinese. then sunli was saying that we have a chinese test tomorrow then she said, in chinese " don't fail ah. where's megan? don't fail okay. " -.-
got back science results. as usual, i failed. kind of disappointed this time. gonna work veryvery hard from now. i have to go for like geog and science remedial >.<
CME. opg was really funny, telling us girls what to do when some guy touches us, the three places to attack are : his eyes, his throat and lastly his dick. HOHOHO.

np after that. got a cut on my ankle and the whole thing swelled, even before the actual training even started. thanks gina, johanna and wanling ( i think ) for helping me! they got ice for me and err.. did some stuff. haha. first aiders.
so i went back to np room and talked to jiamin. then after disappearing for a longlong time, i went back to train. couldn't bang well already.

went to 85 after that with sheena, wenxin, eugenia, lisa and jiamin. then went back home. thought about some stuff. and after SOMEONE gave me some crap about not running away from reality, i thought even more. hahaha. can i stop thinking? =
SHANNA LOVELOVELOVE I LOVE YOU TOO!!
every day i love you more. today more than yesterday but less than tomorrow!
HAHAHA.
now your name's in my post too!
<3333

do you know?

2005-08-09T21:05:00.000+08:00

you don't know.

stop being so selfish. wasn't meant to be.but i just wonder who is she?
i'll be happy for you. or so i'll try to.
you're gone.
completely.
i'm letting go.

help me.

2005-08-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

scout's camp was fantabulouso. loved the singing, and the jumping. the "dance floor". hehs. went completely crazy with sheena. and shanna and fang ying were high too. haha.

celebrated ndp today. i woked up at like 5+. so early la. never have i woken up so early =\ anyway everyone did a pretty good job, considering our standard. and prissy fell out. glad that i did not. hoho. before that my knee hurt so much i could hardly stand. but yeah. perserverence. after marching we could leave for home, when the others just watched the... other stuff.
went home and quarrelled with my mom. eventually i apologised. after all it wasn't her fault.
met sheena and went wild wild wet. supposed to go to sentosa. but everyone pangseh-ed us. so ohwell. but we did have fun la. after all.
there's this group of chaichee guys. they were like flirting la. haha. then they asked for our number and that..guy kept smsing me. i can barely understand what he is talking about. sheena thanks a lot for giving my number. thanks ah.
then there was another group of guys. looked like they are in poly or something. then they asked for our number also and i gave sheena's. HOHO. yeah.
and there's this group of american guys who are.so.hot. okayokay. at the entrance they asked about the funkey card thing. then after that we keep bumping into them. and then after that they said "ni hao" to us.
then we left.
on the bus to pasir ris interchange there's young anerican. he looked so cute la. not really young la. about 11/12. but he looks hot also la. haha. then he was saying that he lost his wallet. inside there was 100+ sing. then he was like, nevermind nevermind. okayyy.

i'm spending too much!
till eternity

love.

i'm running after You

2005-08-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

fuck. i'm fucking beginning to hate everything. everything single fucking thing.

..i'm sorry.

the runaway

2005-08-06T14:26:00.000+08:00

2.4 run yesterday. disappointed. could have done better. my knee just hurt so much. went mac and then went home. then caught charlie&thechocolatefactory with sheena, venecia and cherine. if only there's sucha place la. haha. charlie's so cute can? johnny depp looked so gay in the show. hoho. went back soon after sheena and cherine bought their tankinis ^^ i love sheena's one la. damn hot. hoho. wanted to follow terie, sheena and gina to festival of praise. but couldn't make it. =(

had to wake up like super early to reach school at 7.30 this morning. i was late ( not surprising ) and couldnt chnage into my uniform because my stuff was in the np room and we didn't have the key. got the key from that uncle. then we changed. yupp. drills was bad today, as usual. but there's improvement. yupp. just that "whatever" attitude.
did the whole program thrice. last time i collapsed. yeah. HOHO. =\ my vision suddenly became blur, and the only thing i could see was the sun. and the sunlight. eveyrthing sounded so soft. so inaudible. then my legs and arms couldnt take it anymore it finally gave way. so i had to fall out. a student councillor was so nice as to fan me and gave me water ^^ consequences for lack of energy, not sleeping enough, not eating enough, not drinking enough. =x
they complained to mr lee about the cadets and how bad we are and how others are laughing. or so we think. we so shouldn't la. so sheena and i left to eat. then mr yow came to talk to us. ask us not to be demoralised because everyone's looking into everything so shallow-ly, not noticing our effort =) yeah he's real nice.
slacked abit and then left school with lisa. sat around at mac. saw shiling. then i remebered i was supposed to help out at the church for u connect. oh man. my memory's failing me =\ like seriously lah. so yeah. talked alot with lisa. wasn't that close to her before. but she's nice ^^

arggh i have to go back to school at like 7.30 at night for that scouts campfire thing. so i can't make it to FOP again. sheena said it todally rocked la. so i can only watch it next year unless i can go tomorrow which i doubt i can. so yeah. gotta rush. that campfire's a good excuse for staying out late too =)

so long.

2005-08-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

MSN - strawberrychocolatecandies@hotmail.com
I MEDDLED WITH MY EMAIL AND THEN POOF I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I CAN'T EVEN SIGN IN TO MSN ): ADD ME BACK PLEASEEEEEE =)

fcukstrated

everybody's changing and i don't feel the same.

2005-08-02T16:21:00.000+08:00

towned on sunday till around 11pm.
happy 17th, sarah!

didnt go for NP drills yesterday. when i reached they were falling out alr. very disappointed with some of them. but don't think i shouldnt be criticizing them la. but yeah. don't understand some people. ( not part of np ) i guess some of you know what happened. ohwell. eugenia's confidence level is like 0%? no, -50%. and wenxin, cheer up alright. everything's fine (:
went home with vanessa. wasn't feeling well again. and the whole trip was so quiet.
was so pissed when SOMEONE went to call my friend a bitch. my friend didnt do anything can? wth. nvm. someone took revenge for her today. HOHO.

super tired today ( like i am every day, in fact. but more tired than usual today.) then i forgot to bring my phone. i missed my phone so much! oh man. whats up with my memory recently. so i practically dozed off in every lesson. the day passed so quickly. probably because i was sleeping. =we were supposed to go to sentosa one day right. then everyone was like so excited, SET SET SET. then today sheena and i confirmed with them again. then cherine said "gina and terie and me not going" wth. might as well don't go at all. not the first time already lor. stil remember someone saying " always plan plan plan in the end never go" .....

oh and sorry felicia for shouting at you this morning. dont know whats my problem recently la. wasn't your fault at all okay. (: and xiquan also.

after school went home already ( wow ) slept all the way on the bus home myself. sheena and i were super hi la. calling eugene lao peh and daniel da niao. then i wanted to act retarded, i just stood there and smiled widely at him. in the end my mouth was so tired i stopped finally. ahaha.

hmm. time seriously flies la. it's august already. been very very very busy with stuff lately. and people offend people like so easily. so much gossip. seriously i think. 2nd semester. everyone has changed, just that they don't realise it themselves. i myself admit that i did change la, but in what way i dont know =\ was talking to vanessa about this. owell. everyone just comes telling me how much soandso changed. just hope that this year will pass soon and, everything will turn out fine. all's well that ends well. we just need time to adapt to the changes aye? ((:

ILOVESHANNA!HOHO =)
your face is on the billboard and you're everywhere

love,
megan.

wheeee. finally. 17 to be 13! (:

2005-07-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

megan* tomorrow's just another day says:
dont have la
.:Let The Dream Be With You Go Pursue Your Dream Believe In Yourself:. says:
don anihow say lehz
megan* tomorrow's just another day says:
really! haha
.:Let The Dream Be With You Go Pursue Your Dream Believe In Yourself:. says:
then who is that guy in the pic?
.:Let The Dream Be With You Go Pursue Your Dream Believe In Yourself:. says:
yur bf

LOL third person who said sheena looks like a guy in that picture =i'm so bored i started playing neopets this afternoon and i go sick of it already.

falling uphill

2005-07-29T21:00:00.000+08:00

school today was alright i guess, just as boring. i forgot to bring the formation sign again. great. that stupid two errr things again. because of that i skipped founders day, i may not even get my promo. -.- so my maid took a cab down and brought it for me. again. ^^
anyway. during history, dr boon passed by and i was like.. sleeping. then i opened my eyes and happen to see her staring at me. so i just paid attention and when she left, i slept again. hoho.
wasn't feeling well the whole day because of AHEM. went sick bay. didnt want to go for ndp rehersal, but oh well. i was so weak i almost fainted okay. and after standing at attention for sucha long time my knee hurt like dont know what. ( yeah something's wrong with them ) really touched my the other cadets' concern. (: when i said i didnt need rest, lisa was like so fierce and asked me to go and rest. hoho i love them.
then slacked in np room. really glad to see improvement and effort in everyone (: we'll show them we're something and they'll not look down on us. someday. =went to 85 with wenxin and ashley for a bite. yumyum i was so full. i had slurpee and then AHEM. i had trouble walking to the bus stop also. and AHEM it still hurts now ):

i got a 5/30 for my maths test. i don't understand why i'm flunking everything, except geog ( i got a 15/30 ) okay because i didnt study =\ HAHA. i better buck up alr. even sheena's so hardworking and scoring much better than me =\ no offence. haha.
i was listening to the choir sing and i just wanted to go back to the happy ol' choir times. why didnt i go for the choir auditions! ( at least i would have the SLIGHTEST chance although i CAN'T sing. ) i'd be under the shade slacking, instead of the sun. i'd be wearing that NICE silver dress instead of the NICE np uniform. HOHO.

dirty sunshine
its difficult to handle

[[{ComPLiCAtEd lOvE}]] says:
but c u ah
[[{ComPLiCAtEd lOvE}]] says:
is clever de leh
[[{ComPLiCAtEd lOvE}]] says:
not hardworking
[[{ComPLiCAtEd lOvE}]] says:
haha
-megan it all amounts to nothing in the end says:
LOL
[[{ComPLiCAtEd lOvE}]] says:
like nv study de

wah lau. how true la. haha. so direct for what. >.< yeah CLEVER. surely lor. CLEVER. yeah.

i'm a fake

2005-07-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

i didn't go for NP today
and it just had to be the day miss teo came down. uggggh

bball finals tomorrow
so many chuncheng-ers are coming! and so many mahabodhians went to chungcheng.

how weird can you be la. split personality? so you havent taken the first step to salvage this friendship. i know i did. although it was a little against my will. there's no trust at all. we seriously need to clear this mess up. everything's different, everything's changed. something seems to be missing. i don't know what. we're so near yet worlds apart.

times have changed and things are different

Reminiscent

2005-07-26T16:04:00.000+08:00

i think i'm eating too much lately. my mouth just can't stop =\ oh man. and i need to learn how to eat chilli. i was eating some spicy tom yam cup noodles and now my lips are burning! :( i didnt put the chilli somemore =x
ohhhh and im flunking so many stuff
and i think there's something wrong with my knee =(

oh oh oh. we got to see the class photo already. i think we looked.......okay LAH. haha. george and prissy were damn funny. so fierce. i like the fun shots so much la. haha.i want to see the one we took at katong special sch =

did i say i want to become an air stewardess? =x
lillix
Tomorrow's just another day.

hopeful

2005-07-24T16:39:00.000+08:00

some problem with tagboard. click twice on "tag me"
till its fixed.
:)

say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.

2005-07-23T16:33:00.000+08:00

i thought
and i thought and i thought and i thought and i thought.
i thought of the many things i chose to ignore.

i have a splitting headache.

2005-07-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

im like, so freaking pissed today.
sunli called me bad company. eh that so mean. she's so direct la. she went to tell dont know how many ppl that they are unpopular and that their friends didnt want to sit with them or that they have no friends at all. wth..
then i faied my like, everything la. chinese i mean. then she was like show attitude. then she ask me not to mix with bad company and asked me not to let relationships affect my studies.i was like, what's she talking about la?
then i did a retest for the ting xie thing. then i failed, again. so i had to do corrections 20 times la. and she complained to liu about sheena, cherine and me. what the hell. she said a lot of students/teachers complained. okayy. edmund and i have to do some retest next week again because of the book thing la. =and she made 2/3 ppl cried today. yepp. im like so pissed with her la.
and someone else. but i think its okay between me and her alr.
oh and if you're reading this, heres something for you to read.

we belong together // mariah carey

2005-07-17T11:20:00.000+08:00

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

'Cause I didn't know you
'Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't
Hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, 'cause baby

When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
We belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby

heal the world, make it a better place

2005-07-16T22:40:00.000+08:00

went to one big day at conerstone church today. was fun la that church. and the people there were so.. whats that S word. anyway many cried and it really touched me. seeing them talk to their friends and cry made me feel like crying too =x
wenxin cried, somehow. because she saw ppl cry? =\ justina also. i see her eyes so watery la. didnt know what to do =x she was telling me the first time she went she dropped down and cried.
the pastor was funny. and generous. was surprised to see justina there, didnt know she goes to conerstone.
arrgh i skipped cell to go for one big day.
i've been reaching home late nowadays. after NP stuff id just stay back in sch and slack. or wenxin's house. haha. i think i'm seeing her mom alot =\ 3 times last week alr.
after that went to eat ajisen at parkway with wenxin, cherine, justina, jolin and cassie? i forgot her name. then took cab back.

jealousy

how come we dont even talk no more?

2005-07-13T20:40:00.000+08:00

see my mom, my sis and her bf and me were watching a chinese tv program just now.

mom: " that man is stupid "
me: " guys are stupid " ( no offence. said that because of something that happened this morning. AHEM )
mom: " then don't go find a boyfriend next time la. "
mom: " maybe you like stupid guys "
sis: " she likes stupid people, cause she's stupid. haha " ( wth. )
me: " ... i'll find a girlfriend then "
mom: " i thought you have one alr? "

so she dosent mind.
....what a stupid conversation.

its just a ride

2005-07-12T18:43:00.000+08:00

wasnt in a good mood today, i got irritated by people so easily. partly because of fatigue. i fell asleep during science common test somemore. i just scribbled anyhow for like 5-10min and then just sleep. shanna asked if i feel aslp and she was laughing! so pai seh. haha.
after school was chao tired also la. then people talk to me i just shouted at them. receive sms i will grumble. i tried to slp but they just wont let me, not even one minute. so when someone talked to me i just ignored them. yeah, sorry.
went for founder's day briefing with wenxin. only sec ones yet agn. so pai seh la, we havent done anything, chosen anyone and guess what, we havent learnt that marching on the spot thing ( whats it called? hentangkaki?) and our banging sounds like what? nothing? and itll go like pa pa pa. not together. arrgh. so next two days have to stay back for np. wth. thursday sheen'a birthday, want go out with her de leh. maybe we can make it at night, but carrying our uniforms? >.<
supposed to go cherine's house aft that but that stupid briefing took so long and ended arnd 3+. sigh. not very happy with sheena today also.
i wonder why am i losing my cool so easily these days. the people are just irritating la, talking about the same stuff, same people everytime! why must she poke her nose into other people's business and make yourself feel bad for not able to help in the end? why must you talk so softly and say its my ears? why are the people acting the most childish they could ever been? why are people so insensitive? why are they so immature ( well i may be immature too, but.. ) ? why do they keep asking questions when the answers are alr given? why dont they think of others but themselves only. why are they pushing the blame? ive had enough alr. i may just break down anytime can. so many things i just choose to ignore, to leave them at the back of my head. maybe its just me.
so busy with so many things, i have hardly enough time for myself.
owell. went bedok library cause cherine wanted to return her books. saw athena.
REJOICE. tuition cancelled. SHIT. i just rmbed its on a thursday! ima pon it =oh man.

2005-07-10T12:59:00.000+08:00

went for cell group at all saints church. tree cell. yupp. the people were nice and friendly! ahha. had fun la.
sang hymns, nicenice. played the tapping game. cherine was so close to winning! eh? she won. haha. sheena couldnt come. she has to score a 80% first before she can. i told her its impossibe ( HAHA.) but she said she could. but now she play slack play slack how to. hahha.
Gabriel kept calling me mee-gen >.<, i thought vanessa and diane was really sweet and friendly =)
after that went to get my sister's present. oh. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! yupp. then went to the party. was borrrrring. yupp. sarah went to highlight her hair! i wanted to highlight like one streak of purple, but then she didnt bleach it so it wouldnt be obvious if i coloured it..
hmm.
actually i wanted to go for the NP bbq. how nice, chatting with the NCOs and CIs =(( and the cadets. wenxin told me something i couldnt stand! im.so.disgusted. then i remebered EVERYTHING that she did. couldnt stand her anymore. her defination of dating and steading, her "stages" urrgh. shes.just.playing.with.their.feelings. well just hope that she'll change for the better.

Lord i give you my heart,
i give you my soul,
i live for you alone.
Every breath that i take
Every moment i'm awake,
have your way in me.

give or take

2005-07-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

i woke up early today! surprisingly! but was super tired la..
went to sch, got some GUIDANCE for my homework. oh and vanessa walked with me up my classroom and carried the NP stuff for me. how nice! :)
anyway, recess. read cherine's blog . haha. but nevermind la, we shouldnt judge people right.
was smsing in class all the time. cherine was wondering how we can sms such long messages when she goes like one word or two? haha. then during maths my phone dropped! xin tong! :( haha..
CME, LKK punished gina, jiaying, terie and me because we got in late. we went toilet lor. why must she always be so stubborn? she wont accept it if she's wrong, even if our explanation made sense. bleah. then she asked terie and i to tuck in our shirts. and crapped on about lians and huis and bengs and whateverlah.
no second recess, had english enrichment. that teacher talked about o levels! T_T
so after school had founders' day rehersal.changed into full u. i was so afraid that other would see me that i went screaming and hiding in the cubicals when the girls came into the toilet =\ i looked weird la. and the buckle on my skirt just keeps coming out >.< so irritating la. founders day was alright, slacked a lot, quite boring, did the same stuffs. homad up down senangdiri sediya. over and over again.
after that rushed to the stadium without changing! X_X lucky no one saw. and i was too lazy to wear my beret. saw natasha. she was playing netball. she looked different! haha.. when she saw me, she was like 0.0 you in NP??owell! haha.. anyway today's matcha was against ngee ann. nice one. they saved many BALLS (hmm dont xiang wai ) haahahhaha =\ stupid ngee ann girls wear like screaming like nobody's business. couldnt stand la. haha. and then they were like "ngee ann, ngee ann!" we won by.. not a lot.
went to canteen, changed out of full u. then i was like AH AH AH. screaming here and there because i droped my shoes and.. duno what. hhaa. then we chatted ALOT. yeah, until 6+,7. saw Alina, the girl with pretty eyes. and her kor frm vs. haha. sheena lost her wallet and cried.. bc of something impt in there :(
took cab to loyang point with wenxin, rachel and sheena to buy the bbq stuff for tmr. what a waste. i cant make it. JIE WHY MUST YOUR BDAY BE TMR? i wanna see the NCOS. ( wenxin : heeheeeee. =p) waited for rachel's dad to send us home, and ended up home arnd 9+, 10. saw wenxin's mom and sis. haha. her sis has big eyes! and we didnt manage to get the pit, was fully booked. so sad i cant make it! was a farewell party for eng kiat sir too..

oh and wenxin and i are appointed secretaries! did ms teo know i was once a secretary, and i was sacked? =( we wanted to be sec 1 ICs! nvm, theres still next yr. just wanna work hard for my promotion now.
and someone told me about.something.i.could.not.believe. hahah.

ciao.

could you look me in the eye, and tell me that you're happy now?

2005-07-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

Above all powers above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth

Crucified laid behind the stone
You lived to die rejected and alone
Like a Rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all

Above all powers above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth

Crucified laid behind the stone
You lived to die rejected and alone
Like a Rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all

enjoyed follow-up today. enlightened. met people at the office. they were friendly. joining their cell at all saints church. haha. gng this saturday.
after than went to eat. slacked arnd and chatted with wenqi and alina ( how to spell? ) haha. alina was really sweet and cute man. haha i think she has beautiful eyes =) keep asking us to listen to her play the piano. then shiling there diam diam. haha. wenqi said she isnt always like that..
hmm. then we took mrt home, wenqi, alina and me. then on the way to mrt i sat on the middle of the road and then zoom! a motorcycle drove past. i thought it was coming to my direction but it wasnt. then i shoot! up. haha. shouldve seen my reaction man =\ i always ALMOST get knocked down by cars, practically every day. i should go road safety park agn man.
took to pasir ris. i saw the turkish ice cream man again! saw him at heartland mall the other time. haha. then he dont let us take the ice cream lor! damn cute la. hahhaha. and the ice cream was yummy!

why do i always feel my heart sinking? its heavy. its scary. felicia said im suffering from depression. haha. right.
// i dare not look anymore.

other side of the world

2005-07-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

hey. shan't blog about today, because of ahem ahem. haha. anyway, i shall blog about ytd =\ haha

well our class went for the katong special school thing. the students there were s0 poor thing can! although some seemed quite normal afterall, just quite slow learners..
our group were in charge of the games, we didnt get prepared because i only knew on that day that we were gng to that school. so we jsut plaed bball, left that to liu. the board was so low we could all dunk. haha.
anyway, there's this girl called jingwen, kept following felicia and i. she was like those kind of traid members, very lian, then also very jian yi qi those kind. hhaa. then she held our hands, say what "wo men shou qian shou, hao peng yo, blahblah" haha. damn cute la. then she keep telling people not to friend who because someone beat someone or something. haha. then she gave me seaweed! how nice of her huh! xD
then i saw this guy, he was talking to himself, or his imaginary pet. he was like stroking some dog or cat and jumping about. so ke lian right! =(
yeah and very fast 30 mins pass alr. hmm then some people dropped off at bedok mrt.

went back school, wanted to watch the match. did i watch huh? k i forgot =
hmmmmm so yah. went bugis today. -oh i forgot i wasnt supposed to blog about this- =S
haha and during home econs today, the mdm teo called me "MEGAN SIMS" sims. yeah right. because i handed up to her the worksheet without completing it. hahhaha. i didnt see >.< then we did sewing. i so sucked at that lor. the guys did faster and nicer than me ahaha. and she ate our recess you know! nehneh! so i starved until dinner =( lol but i wasnt that hungry after all.

i grew taller by 1cm! and i've gained weight =( im so sad. ahahaha.